Thursday, December 18, 2008

A Hodge Podge of Thoughts and Emotions

I'm in a really weird mood. I have felt antsy and unsettled all day. I am really excited about our trip to Washington but nervous as we expect to get a snow storm in a couple hours. I worry this will effect us leaving. I also worry because I know my parents got dumped on with snow and my dad is coming to pick us up from the airport. Considering I work with Trauma, I especially don't want to be a trauma patient.

And I also worry about jobs. I enjoy my job a lot and there are rumors flying around that lay offs are imminent. I have thought about other specialties I'd like, just in case things get bad, but I really, really like my job. I tend to get bored with the same ol' same ol' monotony of some specialties, but trauma is rarely boring. Just when you think you have seen it all, someone comes up with a new creative way to hurt themself.

I am so discouraged by the economy. People I know that usually are so calm and level headed are running around like Chicken Little screaming that the sky is falling! And yea things seem pretty awful, but I am a believer that ignorance is bliss in this regard.

I hate to say this- but things being so bad have helped me to change my attitude and realize how good we have it. We live by a budget now since I am designated sugar mama, but we can always make ends meet. I have a good job. Not only making a decent sized paycheck, but the doctors, nurses, and staff I work with are wonderful. I think of them as my mentors and friends. They care about my family and I more than just as their PA. They got just as excited as we did about Baby Jesse's arrival. It was as though he wasn't just our baby, but theirs as well. So should something happen to my job I would be crushed, because I love it. But God is so good. He has given my heart peace. No matter what, it will be ok. I don't know how it will be, but I know it will be ok.

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Being a mom has softened my heart so much. And I really do have a perfect little boy. He smiles and coo's and giggles. His newest thing is to pull himself up to a sitting position from reclining. He kinda stinks at it though because he promptly falls over. I have nicknamed him Hercules. He started getting that nickname in utero from when I was waiting to see Dr. Anstine for my OB appointment and he was pushing his legs up into my ribs. I would puch down on his little feet and he pushed back so hard once he literally lifted my hand off my belly. He still grabs people tightly. And as I would whine to Sarah, he could pinch my neck from day one so hard it would leave tears in my eyes.

But he is God's blessing. A precious boy. I love coming home from work and cuddling him close. But he is such a good baby that other people also want to hold him a lot. God gave him to us to protect and raise, but I feel like he isn't MY property. And I love sharing him with other people. They say it takes a village to raise a child so I want them to know that we want them to love Jesse and to be a part of his life. I don't want to shut them out of these precious moments. I don't think it's possible for a person to have too many people that care about them. If it is, I guess we will deal with that when we get there.
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I appreciate people like you. You care enough to check this silly blog to know how we are doing. And thank you. Please continue to keep the job situation, Jesse going back to school, our trip to Washington in your prayers. And please let us know anytime how we can pray for you.

But I really should get to packing my bag. And I should make sure my husband packed adequately for Baby Jesse.

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