Ughh, I want my mommy! I have been fighting of a dreaded cold far too long and now its taken its residence in my sinuses and ears in the form of infection. I hate feeling sick. And not sick enough not to go to work but sick enough to be MISERABLE there. I usually feel better in the morning and somewhere around 1230 feel terrible.
So I got done with rounds early today and there were no surgeries scheduled for today. Considering I need to get in freakishly early tomorrow to round on patients and assist with a skin graft and laparoscopic gall bladder removal in the morning, I decided to come home early today and try and fend off the aforementioned infections.
I come home to a babyless house. Jesse (and Jesse) are at NNU figuring out how to become a teacher when he is all grown up (the quickest most conveinent way possible) and it sounds like the promises of the ACE program are too good to be true and they are basically asking him to go back to school all over again. And granted I may be making this out to be MORE than it is- but I don't care because I don't feel good!!
Could I be any bigger of a baby myself? Probably not.
I'd be lying if I said I was understanding about when things don't go my way and I have a great attitude about it. But, I never do. I don't like it when things go a different way than I anticipated. I struggle to constantly remind myself that things ought not to go my way, but they should go God's way. It always works out better. I would NEVER have married or dated Jesse if things always went my way. In retrospect my way often leds to misery and just plain SUCKS. But I feel so ridiculous! I know my way sucks and when things arent going my way they are usually going God's way. It works out so well and always has. So why can't that be my automatic response. Why is my initial gut reaction to be such a turd about these things?
God's still working on me. But I wonder if I will ever be mature enough in my Christianity to have a great attitude when things aren't going my way. I definately want to but my entirety just rejects change outright. And I love change. But then again, clearly I don't! Does that even make sense?
I am ready to be well again. Part of my poor attitude is wrapped up in the misery I generally feel from being sick. And truthfully, part of me is bummed. I love Christmas and it just doesn't feel like Christmas this year. I am sincerely hoping that when we get on that plane it will become real. I think it was a bad idea not to put up a Christmas tree or lights this year. I figured since we are spending Christmas in Washington this year it was pointless. It would just be a reason to be ticked off at the cats (and honestly I don't need any MORE reasons to feel that way).
Still a babyless house, but Jesse just called to say they were on their way home. I need to cuddle my boy and hold him close. He won't make me chicken soup or rub my back to make me feel better, his father will. But just holding him in so many ways makes me feel better.
So while in pain and desperately wanting it all to feel better.....
........... I want my baby!
And I am so blessed with a wonderful and understanding husband. His number one priority is his family (Okay, God then family). And this man really lives it! I think the majority of us often occasionally forget our priorities and put our jobs, etc as our focus. But he never does. People often ask me if I can clone him (No! Mine!) because they too see what I see- he is a wonderful father and husband. And I think I have only gotten as far in life as I have because of him. We are going on our first date since Baby Jesse was born Saturday and I am excited! Dr. Casos and his wife are watching baby Jesse for us while we do dinner and a movie (Thanks for the free movie tickets DirecTV!) and I can't wait for us to reconnect.
No baby. No husband. Does it really take this long to drive 2 and a half miles? I am loaded up on medication and ready for family cuddle time. AHhhhh! The garage door is opening. I'm going to get a good dose of baby and husband love. That outta cure me of my ailments!
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