Despite All My Rage, I am Still Just a Rat in a Cage...

Jesse let me download some music yesterday so I can workout to something a little more upbeat and so I could get a couple songs I talked myself out of buying the entire CD for the one song I liked: Mainly Rascal Flats "My Wish" and Carrie Underwood's "So Small". I love those songs right now and really need the encouragement.

I have been feeling discouraged lately. I didn't realize starting a new job would be so hard. I feel constantly like I am an idiot. Or like I am in PA school all over again. It's rough being surrounded by people who could do this in their sleep and I am the lowest on the provider totem pole. But it has definately been challenging me and putting me out of my comfort zone. At the end of the day it'll make me a better PA for it. But at the moment, it's a lot like my pre-pregnancy jeans- a little too tight and uncomfortable, but sort of fits.

So I have been studying like mad, trying to get ahead of this knowledge deficit. And I don't know if I am suceeding or not. I talked with the head PA today and she wonderfully instilled some more confidence in me by telling me I really won't feel like I am starting to "get it for a few months." So I guess I need to stop being so hard on myself about not getting it. But not too easy that I don't try to get it.

Baby Jesse is being a pill. He likes staying up with mommy late, lately and its made me groggy and grumpy. I am trying to let him self-soothe tonight and it is NOT being successful. I will need to go rescue him from his crib in a little bit if this continues. He is tired. He rubbed his eyes 4-5 times but he FIGHTS it like crazy. I hope this doesn't mean he has inherited that terrible sleep fighting thing we Arendt's do.

Big Jesse has one more week left of his first set of classes for the ACE program. He seems to be doing well and is getting good grades.

Im tired. Husband just got home. Grey's is a stupid re-run. I am going to bed.